Sexual Performance Anxiety in Men

Men are often accused of being inconsiderate lovers, focused only on their own gratification without concern for their  partners. I believe this is the exception and not the rule. Sex is central in the lives of most men. Men pride themselves on being a skilled lover. His partner's pleasure validates his value as a lover. 

Fearing or perceiving negative feedback can result in sexual disorders like erectile dysfunction (ED) or early or delayed ejaculation. Many men with these symptoms are in their twenties and thirties and have no physical health problems. Their sexual dysfunction is the result of performance anxiety related to sex.

The human brain is naturally designed to respond to potential threats; perceived or real, physical or conceptual. This process is unconscious and innate. Erections are also unconscious and innate. All healthy men achieve erections naturally without having to consciously will them. When the unconscious brain perceives a threat, it automatically shuts down any unnecessary functions and directs all resources toward survival. An erection is unnecessary if a bear is chasing you. The unconscious brain responding to a physical or conceptual threat does not know the difference between a hungry bear and a dissatisfied sexual partner. It shuts down the penal hydraulic system in both situations pumping blood to other organs and muscles more necessary to respond to a threat.

It is a myth that men are always ready for sex under any circumstance.  There are countless reasons men may experience anxiety about sex and it only has to happen once to perpetuate the fear that it will happen again. As self-fulfilling prophecy would have it, it often does.

Sex therapists help men and their partners by getting to the source of the fear. Sometimes just some simple education about physiology and how erections occur is sufficient to put his mind at ease and allow his body to again respond to sexual stimuli naturally. I encourage men to avoid relying on PDE5 inhibitors (erectile medications) when the cause of ED is anxiety. These medications are most appropriate for treating ED caused by physiological health problems. They were never intended to treat anxiety. 

If you or your partner is dealing with problems related to sexual performance, a consult with a sex therapist could help. A skilled therapist can determine the cause of the problem and eliminate the chance of unnecessary medication or invasive medical procedures. If you or the man in your life are experiencing erectile dysfunction related to performance anxiety, contact me for a confidential consultation at 615-516-9806.